On my drive home today, I was scanning the airwaves and stumbled upon “Hollaback Girl” by Gwen Stefani. I’m not a huge fan of the song so I continued searching stations, but it got me thinking: what was the meaning of these lyrics? If you’re not a “hollaback girl,” as Gwen so craftily phrases it, does this mean you will not return my phone calls? It strikes me as kind of strange. I mean, I’m a nice enough guy, I think, and I thought we really hit things off. I have a genuine desire to see you again, and it’s pretty conventional for a guy to coordinate with a romantic interest via telephone, possibly even leaving a voice message which common courtesy would suggest returning. Why does this somehow make me bananas?