Smoothies give me the creeps. And I’ll tell you why…

Yes, I’m talking about those seemingly innocuous frozen drinks that are in dietary fashion right now. I’m actually not sure if I’ve ever had a smoothie, so maybe I should suspend judgment. It’s not even that I don’t think they would taste good, either; I suspect they do. At least they LOOK like they do. And they look fun to eat, to boot. I’m not even saying I won’t try one sometime; I’ll just do so with extreme prejudice, that’s all.

Why? Because they look a little TOO good, a bit TOO fun. It is this apparently benign allure smoothies have toward people that makes me cautious; something just doesn’t sit right. I am unnerved by the enthusiasm some people demonstrate toward them; it’s almost obsessive. I can’t help but look with suspicion between the eager look on their faces and the colorful quietude of frozen goodness in their hand. There is something about that smoothie that gives me the creeps.

Of course, I have no tangible evidence that anything is amiss…yet. It’s just a hunch. But I plan on keeping my eyes peeled, don’t you worry. And until then, I’ll try to shake this unnerving visual image of a heroic anti-smoothie crusader falling to his knees, arms outstretched toward the sky asking “why? why!?” before falling into a heap, wrecked by the newfound knowledge that smoothies are indeed actually made of people, as a mob of smoothie-slurping, ipod-wielding, grimace-bearing zombies closes in.

You following me? Didn’t think so. I think I’m going to just go to bed.